Your guide to understanding your shadow.
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I Am turning 30 this Season.
THREE ZERO. Is it amusing that I am writing a post on’aging nicely’ while still? It probably is, but whatever, I can not help it. I have PLANS.
Aging means a lot to me. It attracted me a great deal of pleasure. I admire my own children’s proclamations that they’re going to”stay little forever.” They’re two people that are currently living in the moment. Content, enthusiastic, and happy in their respective stages. The notion that they would someday live in their own houses, (or sleep in their beds for that thing lol) or who Isla would marry anyone but her dad, is far from their personal truth right now. I was not this child. I had my life . I had a desk I would develop into an whole office area in my head I would give speeches to fake microphones, and beneath my bed were hatboxes full of property listings of my favorite homes, interior design thoughts and images of 35 year old women cut out of my mum’s clothes catalogs because I liked their outfits. Really. Occasionally I look back to that child and wish I could show her exactly what she’d do. What her house will look like. What her occupation would become. The car she’d drive. Just cut her a break, so she would be able to feel somewhat cooler than she did back then. To let her understand that it was okay to achieve for age, wisdom, and growth and it would turn out better than she expected. And would be much more fun than anything happened in the 1999 Chadwicks catalogue.
And today I feel like I do not need to appear SO much forward . I really feel like I could have it now, although I understand what I want for my entire life. DO have it now. And therefore it is within this present moment, and also this forthcoming decade of my 30’s, that I have some intentions of how I will treat my entire life to ensure aging stays as much pleasure as it was. Which I composed with Biossance in collaboration, as their firm’s clean beauty standards have helped me attract intention in my self-care pattern for several a long time.
1. Intentionally surround myself with people who are life-loving, rich, and positive.
That is simply one of the endless reasons that I’m thankful that my children are my children. They had been born geniuses. Already knowing that it’s about love. Doubts they are smart, competent and strong. And running quickly is performed for no other reason besides having fun and feeling great. They are my teachers, and a few of the most men and women in my personal life. Their wonderfulness aside though, the 5 (adult) individuals we spend time with quite literally makes up that we are. And during the next decade, and most certainly for the rest of my lifetime, it is my intention to nurture that circle, so the people I am spending time with will be the ones pushing me, raising me, inspiring me, also acting as a mirror in which to more clearly see myself.
2. Take time for daily body-centering rituals.
We’re not our own bodies, but we live here at them. They’re how we represent ourselves into the planet, the way we experience what life offers, and they are being loved by part of loving ourselves. We all know the guidelines. Drink water, exercise, eat a balanced diet, take care of your skin. And it is important to find a way to create those feel great for you. Perhaps you enjoy water than cold, so you get a thermos that is way cuter than your water jar that is chilly. Perhaps you drop all of the principles, and get a book about eating. You wake up so you can listen to music at the shower and take your time soaking in your skin-care solutions. Whatever feels great. Create rituals. To allow them to become make as many moments as possible, minutes of self service, because of your intention.
Among the rituals which attracts me a great deal of pleasure is my skincare. As I’ve run through my nightly routine on my instagram before, That is no key. I have since had a lot of questions about my morning routine, because it seems a tiny bit different (obviously lighter and faster.)
Without question, and especially right now since I have spent so long in the sun this summer, I am using these two beauties from Biossance (top fave clean beauty brand as forever) every single afternoon: Squalane + Facial SPF 45 and Squalane + Phyto-Retinol Serum.
Did you know that they came out with a retinol alternative serum?? I received my very first preview of the item straight out of a beaker at Biossance’s HQ last year. It was essentially just 10 girls screaming when our group was told by the woman executives they released a fresh, sterile retinol. I’m relatively new to the retinol scene (about a year and half-ish) and I LOVE what it does for my skin, however because this serum uses plant-derived Bakuchiol (just understood off the top of my mind ) you receive the same strength without any of those side-effects of a normal retinol (enhanced sensitivity, can not unite with vitamin C, and it’s recommended that you don’t use while nursing or pregnant ). Hail a pregnancy-safe retinol!! Could have used one or more even five bottles.
3. Learn ways.
Perform along with my children. Watch pictures. Discover new and creative ways to moveexercise, and push my physique. Take holidays. Daily, read. Proceed to Target. Proceed to the mountains. Take a work break at the park. It doesn’t matter what it’s actually, but if you’re always cognitive of what does or doesn’t feel good, what is or is not fun… you are becoming an outside observer of yourself. And being mindful of how you feel and mindful of yourself, is your first step to knowing yourself, strengthening your instinct, and becoming someone who has the ability to emphasise your patterns of negativity, nervousness, and anxiety. Becoming cognitive of your self hour-by-hour, makes getting action to follow what you understand to be great for you that much easier.
So that is my aging-well plan: follow the great. Adhere to the pleasure.
4. Do things which scare me.
Including setting goals which can otherwise be deemed’biased’, actually by myself. I wish to age in expertise, in bravery, in wisdom gleaned by accepting risks, in showing up before I was prepared, in being the man who’s a little less limited by her human doubts than she was the day earlier, in aligning with my truth and living it with the integrity, even though it looks differently than you believed it would. I know I keep talking about feeling great. And you would think both of these items (‘feeling good’ &’doing things which are scary’) ‘ are counter-balancing, but I have discovered that feeling great does not mean residing easily, lazily, or indulgently even. Instead they come down to living intuitively. And dang, if that intuition doesn’t make you SHOW UP.
5. Actively provide elegance every day to myself.
That is a lot. Aging into who you’re supposed to be is a whole lot. Chasing your dreams really are a great deal. I am jeeze having dreams is a lot. A great deal of learning, a great deal of patience, lots of trying and looking, a lot of question asking and response hunting, and it is SO EASY to find something such as reoccurring bouts or your anxiety of stress as a failure. But I am not going to be the woman who is unable to find the great. Before she even sees her failures who can not watch her successes. I will seek to see myself clearly. Watch the whole, forgive the broken up, give grace everyday and try regular.
And THAT, and in many ways, it’s my intention to age nicely, age , age abundantly, age favorably, and age youthfully. Fingers crossed.
Therefore I was operating with a buddy on defining her personal style today. Among those questions I asked ,”when you get dressed in the morning and leave your property, would you want your clothes to help you blend into the crowd or do you need people to notice you?”
Along with her response, although on the apologetic side, was,”Well… I don’t know… I love to get noticed.”
And I believed, yes.
Courageous honesty. I would like to get seen. I want to get recognized. Even at the the seemingly immaterial: Yes I really do want other people to view my style and join with what I’m wearing.
So why is that so scary to acknowledge? Why is it terrifying to me to admit?? I mean I really have a public site about wearing clothes for goodness sakes, and it feels vulnerable to me to say”yeah woman, I want to be noticed.” Why is it that people, the overriding players on interpersonal networking, the females of this ground, have the time. And never in the way that we are used to. Not in the way that involves being desired. But being seen in the way that needs us to own having desire.
It is the game we all play on the internet all day, supporting our instagram reports and our sites, expecting to be noticed and heard and acknowledged and validated, all of the while down-playing the efforts we make to be able to achieve that. What if we gave me permission to acknowledge each individual’s honest demand for importance. Permission for ourselves and for others to say, conclusion free,”Here I am. Look at me. I need to take space up ” We post beautiful images of our lives, of our families, of our homes, ourselves, and we all put it off as dull and absurd and even disconnective, when really, the only underlying question beneath it all is,”can you see me?” But we don’t admit that. Because nobody wants to seem as though they’re trying to be viewed, and we’re all trying our flipping asses off.
This has been such part of the blogger/influencer game particularly. When people first started to inquire how online platforms may be increased, I feel as though everyone was simply shrugging and saying,”guy I don’t even know! It just happened!” No one confessed to needing it. No one confessed to employing strategy. Heaven forbid you’d admit to needing to make a living. The truth is, I connect and would comment when I first started writing, manner waaay back in the afternoon. I wanted my words to be read. My entire life to be known. And I made the attempt. And I recall other bloggers being made fun of and shamed when they called to what they were performing because of their”project”, so I quickly discovered,”Oh! So that’s how we do it here. We don’t try. We simply happen.” And the faking started. In fact, the appearance of not wanting was such a part of my psyche for decades, I held myself back from shifting my status quo and moving after what I needed, as it would’ve meant making a exact public attempt of attempting. And that felt way too insecure maybe fail at obtaining it, then to admit I needed something different.
I’d like to prevent those patterns. I wish to really want. I want to be understood – and own that. I would like to belong to myself deeply for becoming a whole man, and take responsibility. I have seen what it looks like every time a lady side-steps knowing herself and owning her dreams until she breaks, triggers a massive effect in those who surround her. Which is why when I heard this idea once, it was like a gong being smashed into my mind:”If you don’t take some opportunity to understand yourself, honor your self, and express yourself, you need everyone else around you to handle your sense of self. It is selfishness in the title of selflessness.”
*may we have a moment of silence*
Our good since women, can be expressed in a lot of ways, but sacrificing ourselves on the point of self-betrayal isn’t one of these. Own what you’re doing. Own what you want. Be viewed. Be understood. And kick some ass.
We all lead busy lives. In today’s world, it’s as if it’s a badge of honor. Always rushing to the next thing. Working late to meet that deadline to please a boss or client. Driving from one kid’s soccer practice to the other.
With all of the busyness that fills our days, weeks and months, our mental space begins to fill simultaneously. Internal thinking begins to pile high collecting dust. Stress and anxiety begin to form, ultimately, transcending into our outer world. Our days become even busier with stress and anxiety layered on top.
This is especially true during times of personal struggle. Our mental space becomes so cluttered with thoughts of reality, sprinkled in with fictitious inner-ramblings that we often find it hard to decipher between the two.
When my wife and I decided to sell our business of three years, it put us in a not-so-desirable position financially. As we found ourselves struggling, I, without even knowing, handed the keys of my outer world to my inner world’s chattering ego.
Stuck in the Past
Instead of finding ways to move forward, I froze. I thought about all of the decisions we made over the last three years. I pointed fingers and placed blame. I was stuck in the past wanting to relive it, hoping to change it.
I thought about the things we should or shouldn’t have done. I thought about how our family wouldn’t be in the position we found ourselves in if only we did this instead of that.
I pushed off accepting and owning the reality in which we lived. I didn’t want to feel failure. My ego was in total control, and it was taking me down unnecessary rabbit holes of fictitious thoughts.
The more I surrendered to my inner dialogue, the more mental clutter was accumulating. As this began to stack, I could see and feel the stress and anxiety creeping up around the corner.
It got to a point where my inner dialogue was transcending my outer world. Pain and darkness ensued. Relationships became toxic. I was beginning to hurt the people I loved and cherished most.
Then, for a split second, I noticed how unhealthy I was becoming, both emotionally and physically, and how much hurt I was causing those around me. For a split second I heard the dialogue taking place in my head; the voice using words feeding the bad wolf.
I knew I had to do something.
Taking Care of Myself
I made a decision, a vow in fact, and committed to being intentional about my self-growth. I had to rediscover who I was. I had to reestablish my values. I had to get back to the way I wanted to feel. I had to take care of myself first in order to give my best self to others.
In order to accomplish any portion of this, I had to start by decluttering my mental space. My head chatter was clouding the lens in which I saw the world. I had to find ways to eliminate the clutter and make space for presence and truth.
Here are three ever so simple, but foundational, ways to declutter your mental space:
As much as I wanted to find an escape, what I needed most was connection and perspective. Escaping is merely suppressing the pain, allowing it to fester and morph into something much larger than what it already was.
When you’re able to recognize the feeling of wanting to escape, use it as a springboard toward self-growth and reinvention.
Reading connected me to the power of personal story and shed light onto perspective. It made me see the very thing that caused me such pain a little bit differently. The lens in which I saw the world changed, and a shift in mindset transpired.
Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting on the floor with your back straight and hands on your knees while concentrating on your breathing. As powerful as this has been for me, meditation can be as simple as finding joy in the quiet — finding space within your day to be bored and still. It’s finding solitude.
These practices allow the busyness of our daily lives to slow down – to become more present with the moment and to become one with ourselves. It’s finding wholeness and connection with ourselves.
Writing has been an answered prayer. It’s the purest form of release. It’s the city dump and charity to the thoughts that clutter your mental space. Writing wholeheartedly in a journal holds the key to personal discoveries you couldn’t have even imagined.
Allowing everything to pass from my egotistic head chatter to my fingers and onto paper has become the foundation to my self-growth. When I don’t write, I notice. The feeling of busyness and anxiety begin to creep in again.
Decluttering your mental space uncovers the truth that sits within you, most times buried under the unnecessary. As your truth emerges and you begin to live life through it a sense of lightness takes over. Meaning and purpose ensue.
Our inner world is often the thing that gets neglected, even though it’s the very thing feeding our outer world. As you might look to declutter your physical possessions, pause and pay attention to your inner dialogue. Maybe, just maybe, your next task is decluttering your mental clutter.
Making Stoic philosophy a way of life.
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